All of us are afraid of something. At one point or another, we let fear guide our decisions. Either we don’t start something we want to start, we try and give up because why would we actually succeed? We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, or maybe someone has told us we’re not good enough and we believe it? Another reason is because change is scary and what if that change we make doesn’t work out? There are so many reasons that we can be afraid. Fear of judgement, of failure, or some people even fear success. Sometimes it’s just easier to stick with something that doesn’t fulfill us, that doesn’t create waves, that doesn’t make us THAT unhappy. But WHY? Why do we stay in something that doesn’t make us happy? Why do we let fear do this to us?
Sadly, I don’t know the answer to this. I mean, I know there are many reasons why, but why can’t we get past that, have faith and confidence and just go for it? I have this quote pined to the wall at my desk that says, “Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured” (Anthony J. D’Angelo). I look at this quote multiple times a day and I think to myself how short our lifetime really is. Don’t get me wrong, there are days, weeks, chapters in our lives that feel VERY LONG, but in the grand scheme of things, life is short. Life is meant to be lived, not tolerated. Not wasted. No dreaded. Not just “getting by”. There are no second chances here.
Because I’m so miserable in my job, I’ve thought a lot about finding a new job. Either staying with my company or moving onto another company, but then I think to myself “how is that going to be much different?” I’ll still be sitting in a desk, working regular business hours, and probably continuing to endure life, rather than enjoy it.
So, I think I’m figuring out why I created this blog. It’s different. It’s scary. I will be judged by what I write here. I may offend people. People may think it’s dumb and how can I make a living doing this? And on and on… but this is EXCITING to me. I think about it all day and all night. I look for time in my day to work on it and I write a lot at work (cause.. why not?). Sure, I don’t really know what I’m doing or what I’m getting myself into, but I’m excited to find out. The idea of doing something different, makes me excited! It makes me believe in myself and the ability to make this work because I WANT IT TO WORK. And IT WILL WORK. Why shouldn’t it? Why should other people be able to be successful bloggers, but not me? I’m not giving into the fear this time.