Do you ever just want to tell your brain to SHUT UP?! I think I tell my brain this at LEAST once a day. Probably more. I honestly cannot stop thinking. So, what do I think about? EVERYTHING! Work, my weight, what I ate last night, what I drank last night, who I offended (if anyone- cause it happens!), what I need to do tomorrow, what I need to do next week, who’s birthday is coming up, what holiday, do we have enough fruit for AJ for lunches, when am I going to find time to work out this week, I need to remember to call this person, I wish I was a better friend (partner, mom, etc), what is going on this weekend, what am I going to wear because nothing fits and I’m fat and I hate myself because of it, how am I going to fix this, I’ve tried everything and nothing works, I know I just need to stop eating like shit, but it’s too hard to do that. Why can’t I just feel good enough, why can’t I just have some willpower, I’ll try again tomorrow, I wish I could be happier in my job, other people are happier so I know it’s possible, the time will come thought, God has a plan, I wonder when that plan will come to fruition, just be patient, but how long do I have to be patient, I’m not a patient person at all, I hope I’m raising AJ to be more patient than I am and I hope that we’re raising him to be a good person,I love him so much and he’s growing up and that makes me sad, why can’t I just enjoy life like the little saying says at my desk? And on and on and on. You guys- it does not stop. And as you can imagine, it is EXHAUSTING!
So, how do I stop this? Or at the very least, slow it down? I don’t know… What I’m looking for I guess is contentment. I feel like I’ve been content in my life here and there, but it doesn’t seem to last very long. I’ve been in counseling, I’ve taken meds, I’ve talked to close friends and I just can’t figure it out. I don’t feel good enough. I don’t feel like I am enough. Then I think, is this normal? Is this what happens to everyone and they just hide it better? Are other people able to just shut it off and enjoy life? How in the world would I do that?
Anyway- that’s a little more about me and how my brain works every.single.day. This is a pretty personal post, so I’m nervous to share it, but I have to imagine someone else feels like this too? Feel free to comment below with any stories or tips for slowing my exhausted brain down.